at some point, I started to feel safe
but I know it won't last long
not because I've done something wrong
sometimes, as a human, I did
but most of the times, it's just me
it's just how my brain works

sometimes, I handled it well
but most of the times, I can't even say
at so many points, I know it's not okay
but all I can think about...
that it will get better
even if it's not
and it never was

my life has been filled with jealousy
not because of their success
it's just about their calmness
compared to my massive anxiousness
I've lost the ability to enjoy my life
I've lost the ability to just feel okay